


Stay With Me

by chaoticmango



Category: Real Person Fiction, Skinny Puppy (Band), Skinny Puppy (Fandom)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Hurt/Comfort, Long-Term Relationship(s), Love, Marijuana, Mental Health Issues, Relationship Problems, Romance, Self-Hatred, Suicide Attempt, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:00:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21725644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaoticmango/pseuds/chaoticmango
Summary: AU-ish love story of Giovanna (my OC) and Ogre from Skinny Puppy. Entirely fictional.*VARIOUS TRIGGER WARNINGS THROUGHOUT*
Relationships: Nivek Ogre/Original Character
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I thought I’d note this again: this entire story is fiction. Nothing more or less. Enjoy the story!

I can’t believe this is happening. Never in all my life has this ever happened. My mother is dead.

They say it was an accidental overdose on her medicine, but I’m pretty sure it was a suicide. I know my mother. I know what she had went through. And somewhere in me, as much as I hate to say it, I know this was no accident. But we’ll never find out. So now, I’m at my mother’s funeral. Not exactly a fun way to spend your weekend. Why my father was invited, I have no idea. My parents were never on good terms with each other even before the divorce. I kind of expected him to be staring daggers at my stepdad, but instead, I found him staring sadly at the casket that held my mom. I didn’t expect this. Yet, I kind of saw it coming. No matter what happened between them, somewhere deep inside of my father’s heart, he still loved my mother. I, on the other hand, can’t look at the damn casket. I don’t want to. All I can see is my mother’s photo on top of it with her smiling face. She hardly ever smiled these last few years.

When they buried her in the ground, I felt numb. Almost empty inside. Why am I feeling like this? I should cry, I should scream, I should feel something. But I can’t. This whole thing is unreal. It’s like I’m stuck in a glass box, outside looking in. Unreal. As I walk back with the rest of the guests, all I can see is my mother’s tombstone. ‘Here Lies Tiana Lilian Dawson’. Her photo is surrounded by flowers. Part of me couldn’t have walked faster while the other part of me wishes she was here. But she’s not here. She’s dead and buried. And never coming back. All I feel is numb. My heart is frozen. I’m frozen. I can’t seem to move. I feel like I’m falling. And then something snaps me out of it. I turn to see my father sitting in the front pew, crying. Tears escape his brown eyes. I’ve rarely seen my father cry since he’s pretty much emotionally inarticulate.

“Are you okay, dad?” I ask.

He looks up at me, startled.

“Yeah. I’m fine, Giovanna.”

“Dad, it’s okay to cry. I understand how much you loved her.”

My dad looks at me with misty eyes.

“Sweetheart...I just lost someone I loved. Someone who I could’ve given the world to. I threw that chance away. I never got to say goodbye. And now...” The tears came back. “...now she’s gone. Forever.”

I sat next to my father and put a hand on his shoulder. He didn’t say or do anything in response to it. He just sat there and cried.

“I miss her, Giovanna.”

“I know, dad. I do too.”

That one of the few times I’ve ever seen my father cry.

The rest of the event took place at the house of a friend of my mother’s. They had known each other for a long time, and despite the fact that he was about 10 years older than her, they got along great. I wasn’t crazy about going to his home, but I didn’t have much of a choice.

When I first stepped inside the house, a cute little scruffy dog came running up to me. It barked and jumped, it’s tail wagging. I didn’t know if I should pet it or not. I was just about to make that decision when someone picked up the dog. I looked up to see my mother’s old friend. And he was Nivek Ogre. You know, the lead singer of Skinny Puppy, an industrial legend. I hadn’t seen him in a while. He looked at me and smiled.

“Sorry, Giovanna,” he said, “he’s very excited to see you.”

“It’s okay. It’s fine.” I quickly walked past him and into the huge crowd of people. I didn’t want to face Ogre. Not today.

A lot of people walked up to me, told me they were so sorry, told me they would miss my mom, some even cried. To be honest, I didn’t know how to feel. My mother and I weren’t exactly close, or even on the best terms throughout my life. Same thing with my dad. I had my brother but that was it. And he wasn’t around that much either. Whatever. Speaking of my father, he was very good at keeping it together, but the second he and I were alone, he cried. Part of him still loved her and nothing would change that.

I didn’t really want to speak to anyone. I mostly spent my time sitting on the couch, staring at my shoes. Everyone else didn’t seem to notice me anyways. I switched from staring at my shoes, to staring out the window. Suddenly, the same dog jumped on my lap. It tried to jump up and lick my face. I scratched the sweet dog’s ears as he made himself comfy in my lap. He rested his head on my leg. So cute, so soft, so unaware of how shitty the world is.

“Hey.”

I looked up from the dog’s fur to see Ogre standing above me. My stomach gets all swoopy as he looked at me.

“Hi, Kevin. What is it?” The second I say ‘Kevin’, I wish I could take it back. I’m such an idiot.

He sat down on the couch next to me.

“I just wanted to check on you. See how you were doing.” The dog moved towards Ogre and sat on his lap. He held the dog, petting his head and giving him a a kiss. The dog licked Ogre’s nose in response.

“I’m doing okay. I just...” my eyes trailed back to my shoes. Then to the carpet. My throat feels tight. A lump is forming in my throat. Don’t cry, dammit.

“Giovanna, are you okay?”

I swallowed my tears and stood up.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” As I walked away, I tried not to look back at Ogre. I didn’t want to see the look on his face.

The car ride back home wasn’t very fun either. I had been staying with another friend of my mother’s. Her name was Gloria Pine. She wasn’t a singer like my mom, she was a law professor at a university. But they had known each other since college. Gloria was nice enough to let me stay at her home when I moved here, since I was her best friend’s daughter. I don’t know how she puts up with me.

After a dinner of leftover pizza, I spent the rest of the evening in my room, watching tv on my laptop. I only came out to take the pills I’ve been taking for almost a year now. I’ve been on various medications to try and help with my issues with varying degrees of success. After that, I quickly run a hand through my hair and head to bed. Just as I’m about to sleep, my phone buzzes. I got a text...from Ogre. Shit. I forgot I had his number.

_If you need anything or need to talk, I’m here._

_-Kevin_

I set my phone down and tried to sleep. That text. It doesn’t leave my head. Not when I’m awake. Not when I’m asleep. 

And what’s worse is that I don’t want it to. 


	2. Chapter 2

As I’m standing in the doorway of my mother’s bedroom, I feel like I’m watching everything like a movie. It feels unreal. I feel unreal.  
Ogre and his band mate, Cevin, were helping me and Gloria pack up my mom's things. All of her stuff was packed in boxes to be stored away forever, probably never to be looked at again. Not that I really mind. Well, I kind of do. But I kind of don’t. I don’t know how to feel, so I just help them pack everything up.  
Gloria didn’t keep it together like she did at the funeral. I walked into the living room to find her crying and holding a picture frame. Ogre was next to her, trying to comfort her. I walked closer to see that it was a picture of her and my mother. It was an old photo of them. They couldn’t have been more than twenty five, I think.  
“I can’t believe she’s gone,” Gloria wept, “I’d give anything to have her back.”  
Me too, Gloria. Me too.  
Ogre looks at me and then back at her. He puts a hand on her shoulder and doesn’t say anything. What is there to say? I sit down next to Gloria and try to help, but I don’t think anything I do would be of help.  
“I miss her, too.” Ogre says sadly.  
My eyes are getting misty again. I need to go. Where? Anywhere. Not here. Leaving and going to the porch is a blur before I sit down. The view is spectacular from here: rolling hills, the city in the distance, tall trees. I can see why mom liked it here. The air feels nice on my face as the tears start flowing.  
After sitting outside for a few minutes, trying to get myself together, I hear Cevin saying something inside, followed by Ogre’s voice. Then Gloria’s. The voices get louder from inside and I decide to stay out on the porch. The sky is clear and blue, dotted with a few white fluffy clouds. I tried to focus on that instead of the shouting from inside. I tried to hear them and from what  
I did hear, their blaming each other for what happened. Cevin yelled something that I couldn’t make out. Then this:  
“I was more friends with her than you ever were!” Ogre shot back.  
More shouting. Gloria crying. Quieter voices. Gloria stops crying. Silence.  
I debate wether to go inside. If I do, will they start fighting again? As I reluctantly go back in, I can’t take my eyes off of Gloria, eyes red from crying. I sat down with her and look up to see Ogre and Cevin. They won’t look at each other. 

Gloria was in the other room calling her daughter and Cevin left. So that means Ogre and I are alone. My stomach was filled with butterflies. Rabid butterflies. He checks his phone. I keep staring at mine.  
Come on, Giovanna! Talk to him! You’ve always wanted to talk to him. Know what he thinks, know how he feels, know who he really is. And now’s your chance! Just go up and talk to him. What are you freaking out over? It’s just a conversation.  
Or maybe not. Maybe I should just keep looking at my phone and not talk to him. He probably doesn’t want me to bother him. And he probably thinks I’m annoying.  
The next thing I know, I’m walking towards Ogre. My hands won’t stop fiddling with my jacket zipper and I feel like I’m going to throw up. He looked at me and smiled.  
“Hey, Kevin,” I can’t believe I called him that again, “sorry. Ogre.”  
“You can call me Kevin, Giovanna. It’s okay.” He chuckled. His smile makes me feel warm inside and my heart aches. God, his smile is beautiful.  
As I sit next to him at the counter, I can’t help but wonder if I’m annoying him. Maybe he wants to be left alone. Can’t say I blame him.  
Ogre puts his phone down and turns towards me.  
“I’m so sorry you lost your mom. If I could bring her back, I would.”  
“I don’t want to talk about her. At least not now.”  
“Well, what do you want to talk about? I’m all ears.”  
“I don’t know. I just...”  
My voice trails off as I look down at the floor. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe I shouldn’t have tried to talk to him. Maybe I should have-  
“Are you okay?” He put a hand on my knee.  
I can feel tears burn in my eyes. No. Don’t cry. Keep it together! Just don’t cry.  
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I say wiping my eyes, “it’s just allergies. I’m fine!”  
“Giovanna, it’s okay to cry.”  
“I’m not crying, Kevin.”  
After wiping my eyes again, I change the subject.  
“So, what was that fight you had with Cevin about?”  
Ogre sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.  
“He accused me of not caring enough about your mother. That I was only doing all of this to feel better about myself.”  
“He really said that?”  
“Yeah. I told him that I’ve been there for her, I’ve stood by her side for years despite some of the things she’s done, unlike him. I said that if anyone was doing this just to make themself feel better, it was him.”  
“I see.”  
“Now that I look back on what I said, I feel terrible.”  
“I’m sure that the next time you see him, he’ll feel bad as well. Then you can both apologize to each other and make up.”  
“That would be nice. I hope he’d forgive me.”  
We sat there in silence for a while. Looking at Ogre, I feel my heart break for him. He looks so sad. I forgot that he was having a hard time with this. I mean, he was a very good friend or my mother’s for years and she meant a lot to him. I doubt he meant anything to her, though.  
“I’m sure he will.” I said putting a hand on his shoulder. 

About a week later, I got a phone call from Ogre. I wasn’t really expecting him to call me at all, but he did.  
That day, I hadn’t really planned anything. I was just going to lay in bed and watch tv. Then my phone rang. It was Ogre! Holy. Shit. Nivek Ogre was calling me! I couldn’t fucking believe it! The rabid butterflies were back.  
“Um...hello?”  
“Giovanna? Hey! It’s Kevin.”  
“Oh hey, Kev. How are you?”  
“I’m doing okay.”  
Neither of us say anything for a while.  
“Are you doing okay?”  
“Yeah. I’m fine. Everything’s fine.”  
More silence.  
“Giovanna, I was wondering if you’d like to grab something to eat with me tonight.”  
I sit there for a moment, trying not to make any of those weird noises I make when I’m excited. Did he just ask me out? I mean, he did ask if I wanted to get something to eat, so I guess it’s kind of a date. Oh my god! I think Ogre just asked me out!  
“Sure.”  
“Great! I’ll pick you up at eight.”  
“Great. See you then.”  
I reluctantly hung up, my head spinning. I was going to have dinner with Nivek Ogre! I didn't know wether to feel excited or terrified. It was the first date I’d went on in a year, so I was a little rusty. Not that I was that good at dating anyway. A lot of dates I’ve had turned into absolute fucking disasters. God, I was so nervous. What am I supposed to do? What do I wear? Oh god, I can’t think straight!  
A million thoughts run through my head as I slowly stand up and head to my closet to find something to wear. 

It’s almost eight and I’m standing out on the front porch. It’s nice out, there’s a small breeze, and I can see the moon. I can’t stop checking my phone to see if it’s eight yet. My stomach is turning itself inside out as I see a car pulling up to the house. Ogre comes out and walks towards me.  
I can’t believe it. This is really happening.  
“Hey, Kevin.” I can barely get out what I say.  
“Hi, Giovanna. You look nice.”  
“Thanks...” I can feel myself blushing. As he leads me to the car, I feel myself relax. Okay; maybe ai can do this. Maybe I won’t fuck this up.  
We went to a quaint restaurant downtown, overlooking the waterfront. I sat down in the booth cross legged from Ogre. God, he’s so handsome. He’s always been. As he looks at me, I feel different. I was expecting rabid butterflies, but instead, I feel secure, I feel warm, like nothing could go wrong. I feel like everything’s going to be okay. His blue eyes look at me like I’m the most amazing thing in the world.  
“I read your book while I was on tour.” His eyes sparkled.  
“Really?” I had no idea Ogre read my book!  
“Yeah. It was really good. You have a gift.”  
“I wouldn’t say that...”  
“I would.”  
“Come on! There are so many writers out there that are better! I mean, what I wrote, it could’ve been better. I can’t believe that people wanted to read another dystopian future novel!”  
“You’re too hard on yourself, Giovanna. It was an amazing book.”  
“Thanks, I guess.”  
Ogre thinks I’m a good writer. He liked my book! I should feel happy, I want to believe him. But I can’t. I can’t understand why people think my writing is good in any way. There are days when I wonder why I even wrote the damn thing.  
“Are you okay?”  
I snap out of my thoughts and sit up a bit.  
“Yeah. I’m fine, Kevin. Just a little tired. It’s been a long week.”  
“I get it. I haven’t able to sleep for the past few days.”  
Soon, I’m eating my dinner. I can barely stomach it for some reason. This isn’t abnormal. There are times when I won’t eat for days because I’m not hungry, and if I eat anything I’ll feel sick. I ended up taking it home in a box. I stare out the window at the boats on the water, watching as they come and go.  
“Giovanna, are you sure you’re okay?”  
“Yeah, I’m fine.” But I’m not fine. I should feel fine, but I’m not fine. Why aren’t I fine?  
There’s a brief silence between us for a moment.  
“You know you can talk to me, right? I’m here if you need me.”  
Ogre reaches across the table and takes my hands. They feel so warm compared to mine.  
“I’ll be okay. I just need a good night's sleep.” I won’t get one. I know this to my core.  
When we get back to Gloria’s home, I wish Ogre would hold my hands again. I wish he’d hold me in his arms and tell me everything will be okay. And part of me is kicking myself for being so clingy and desperate.  
“Thanks for dinner, Kevin. I had a great time.”  
“You’re welcome. It was a pleasure seeing you again.”  
Ogre kisses me on the cheek and gives me a hug when we got to the porch, planting a feeling of warmth in my heart.  
“I’ll give you a call tomorrow, if that’s okay.” He says, looking at me with that same look of amazement.  
“It’s more than okay.”  
He gives me another kiss before going back to his car.  
When I get inside, I feel like I could climb Mount Everest. He kissed me! Ogre kissed me! God, I could run a fucking marathon! I could build a skyscraper! I could fly! The warmth in my heart is still there as I look out the window and think of Ogre. 

When I was seventeen, I met Ogre.  
My mom had surprised me with tickets to a Skinny Puppy concert. I was over the fucking moon! The entire concert, I couldn’t take my eyes off of Ogre. The man I had admired for the longest time, was right in front of me!  
My mom and I had VIP access, even better. I was the youngest person in the room and awkwardly followed my mom around until she took me to meet him: Nivek Ogre. I was so nervous as I walked towards him. And then I was face to face with him. I was expecting butterflies on acid, but instead, I was totally calm. My head was clear, my heart wasn’t racing in my chest. There was just that warmth, that secure feeling.  
When I moved here, I saw him more. It was nice to see him. I liked him a lot. I still kind of do. I like him. I, Giovanna, like Ogre. And maybe even love him. Oh fuck. I think I’m falling in love with him. I’ll be honest, that scares the shit out of me. I don’t know if he even likes me back, let alone loves me. Maybe he asked me to dinner as a friend. Maybe it’s because he knows I’m kind of lonely. Part of me doesn’t want to know and the other part of me is dying to find out.


End file.
